Friday, March 30, 2012

Fly and Be Free Little Mouth Feeder

I like birds, but I suppose you already know that.  I like to look at them, learn about them, listen to their melodious tweeting.  They are gentle graceful creatures full of wonder, beauty and ...poop.  That is the only part of birds I do not like - their poop.  Especially on my freshly washed car windshield.  When they poop on my freshly cleaned windshield, they are given the Mama Finch evil eye glare along with my not so melodious ranting.  But for the most part, birds are great.


Here's the thing.  As much as I like birds and even though I enjoy naming my beaky family after them, I do realize I am not actually a bird.  Here is how I know this.  I do not take a bath in a concrete bowl in someones back yard.  I do not teeter precariously on telephone wires.  I do not squawk loudly at anyone getting too close to the babies in my nest (OK, maybe I have done this on occasion) and I have never ever been depicted as something to be feared in an Alfred Hitchcock classic.  I must then conclude, I am not a bird.

As far as I can tell, Alicia Silverstone is not a bird either.  I mean was she or was she not just living in the valley and "rollin' with my homeys"?  Why on God's green earth is she pre-chewing the food she gives to her small son and feeding it to him mouth to mouth ala beak style?  Birds do it 'cause they no teeth.  Not sure why she does it.  Supposedly some kind of exercise in immunity building.  I've heard Flintstones Chewables do that too Alicia.  I'm tellin' ya, sometimes those hippy-dippy-trippys are just too weird for words.

My kids freak out if they find one of my hairs on their dinner plate, so I'm fairly certain the mouth to mouth would be out of the question in our nest.

Alicia, repeat after me:

I am not a bird.
I am not a bird.
I am not a bird.

2 comments:

  1. I saw that posted on somebody's facebook. How disgusting. I am sorry but that was so nasty I couldn't finish looking at the clip. Picking my son's boogers is about the grossest mommy thing I've done and think we all do that.

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  2. Fun read! I think many of us are just jealous of birds, they don't have to fly coach class!

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