Interview with a Confused Dad

I would be extremely overjoyed to interview someone famous.  In fact, I am so giddy with excitement at even the prospect of the prospect, I have decided to practice my interview skills on Daddy Owl just in case.  Practice makes progress and he is the closest link to fame I have at the moment since he recently attended a local concert in which Owlie’s boyfriend along with his band, Reaper Crew was featured.  Yes, you read correctly.  Their name is R.E.A.P.E.R. C.R.E.W, you know as in grim.

Our 16 year old daughter, the apple of her Daddy’s eye and his sweet cherub faced innocent baby girl, now has a 17 year old heavy metal band playing boyfriend.  The kind of clichéd long hair garage band boyfriend with bobble head moves and visions of Pantera and Guns & Roses dancing in his brain.  Hmmm, what’s that?  Oh, that sound you hear?  Don’t worry.  It is just our heads cracking against the sheetrock.

I have been told they are actually pretty good.  So good in fact they are being invited to play in some fairly prestigious venues already, including Austin’s SXSW and some local well-known clubs.  Clubs they can perform in but because of their underage status cannot be served in, which is why Daddy Owl had to accompany Owlie and her friend last Friday night to one such club in west Fort Worth.  You may ask why he would ever agree to take his daughter to a club.  The answer is three-fold really:

1. The girls could not get in without a parent and I volunteered him.  I am not stupid.
2. He is just cool like that.
3. Good opportunity to throw some “Fear of God” intimidation into the mix by affixing his “I am watching you” death stare directly on boyfriend’s face the entire time boyfriend is on stage.

Now that Daddy Owl has somewhat regained his hearing, I thought it might be informative to recap his experience by asking him a few questions:

MF:  It has been almost a week since you accompanied Owlie to see Reaper Crew perform live.  What did you think of their music?


DO:  Huh?  What did I think of what??  Their mucus??


MF:  Their music.

DO:  I don’t believe it would be classified as music.  It was more of a screeching noise really…

MF:  Screeching?  You mean like car tires?

DO:  Sort of, but not that melodic.

MF:  Do you feel that by not wearing comfortable shoes your opinion of the band and their music was unfairly decided before they even took the stage?

DO:  I wore my big boots in case I needed to kick that boy’s but. 

MF:  Were you able to understand any of the lyrics amongst the head bobbing? 

DO:  There were lyrics?

MF:  Was there evidence that boyfriend’s playing might have been influenced by your intimidating death stare or that said death stare might cause him to run right out and get a haircut?

DO:  Considering his hair is longer than yours and it was in his face most of the time, I don’t believe he could see me or anyone most of the time.  I've got his haircut right here...

MF:  Would you say you were the oldest person in attendance?  Were you embarrassed by the fact that your daughter most likely pretended not to know you?

DO:  Oh, she’s a sneaky one alright.  She tried to get away but I followed her right up to the stage so my death stare would be more effective.

MF:  Did you take out the trash this morning?

DO:  Why, yes.  Yes I did.  What does that have to do with this?

MF:  In your honest unbiased opinion, do you believe Reaper Crew has a chance in hell of making it big or should they just pack it up now and resign themselves to a life of 9-5 drudgery like the rest of us?

DO:  Although impressive in their hair swinging showmanship, I do not believe long-haired gnarly boyfriend will make enough money in head banging career to support my daughter in the manner in which she has become accustomed.  In my honest and completely unbiased opinion as her father, I believe my baby girl should just stay locked in her room until she is at least 30.  Honestly…