I Blame It All on Angelina

There are some folks who no matter how hard they try to reinvent themselves and make us believe they are cool, it just ain’t happening.  Take Brad Pitt for example.  Well, don’t actually TAKE him, ‘cause you would then have to deal with Angelina and she, quite frankly, scares me a little.  I know I cannot be the only one who thinks she resembles the sea witch from The Little Mermaid when the witch turns into the black-haired girl and then proceeds to mesmerize Prince Eric until he turns into a blubbering fool.  I believe that may be what happened to Brad, but that’s just a guess on my part. “Look into my eyes, Brad…” Poor Jennifer never even saw it coming.


Brad Pitt was on the Today Show this morning. The way they were playing up his arrival “live” on the set, you would’ve thought it was the Second Coming.   C’mon now people let’s get real. He is a pretty boy from Missouri who grew up Southern Baptist that happen to hit the acting jackpot mostly because of his looks.  Let’s not kid ourselves, you know it’s true. But lately, anytime I see him, he is trying to convince us he is John Lennon. What’s up with that? I blame it all on Angelina.


I’m sure he is probably a nice enough charitable guy with a fair amount of marketable talent, but no matter how cosmopolitan, world wise, international, learned, and “socially aware” he tries to convince us he is the more I just hear, “Uhhh...Duh Duh Duh” when he opens his mouth.  I’m telling you she has him under a spell or something.


Anytime I see him, I’m reminded of a day several years back when my daughter was in college in Austin. She called me one day at work and yelled into the phone “Guess who I just saw?! Brad Pitt!!!” She had heard he was in town filming some odd movie and for whatever reason he was on the grounds of the state capital where she was interning her senior year. 


When she and her dedicated co-workers heard he was nearby, they all abandoned their assigned posts to catch a glimpse. “To heck with the Great State of Texas, I’m going to see Brad Pitt” the thundering stampede could all be overheard exclaiming as they ran out of sight. Kind of makes you feel all warm and fuzzy about our political process doesn’t it?


Anyway, all she was able to see was his backside for a second.  She reported that it was difficult to see much of anything because of the hulky bodyguards enclosing him.  Why did he need so much protection?  Was he afraid Angelina might find him and make him adopt another child?  Someone please find King Triton before it’s too late!  Sing Ariel, sing!