He Said She Said

I don’t know about your household, but the 5:00 - 6:00 hour around our nest is usually a bit hectic on weeknights.  Hectic because it is that clumsy transition hour when everyone is coming home, dinner is being prepared, children are standing around in our way-too-small-kitchen trying to out talk each other and vie for our attention.  Last night in-between Baby Chick tattling and all of us tripping over Buddy the Wonder Dog who had taken up his nightly Food Patrol watch, the 18 year old man-child spoke.

Out of Hawkeye’s mouth randomly flowed the following insightful question:  “If a person had to have half their brain replaced with someone else’s brain, would the person be the same person or would they become the other person?”  As most of my thinking is based on delayed reaction, it took me a minute to reply, “HUH??”  Daddy Owl and I looked at each other as if to say, “He’s been watching too many of those ‘let's chop everybody up’ devil movies again.”  The conversation went on to include, “What if the other transplanted brain was a girl brain?”  Owlie slowly backed up a few steps.

Here were the three thoughts that immediately entered MY shemale brain:

1. Thank you for providing me with writing material.
2. Did someone leave the lid off the paint can?!
3. Did you actually think about what you were saying before it exited your mouth?

In an effort to conciliate (word of the day from the thesaurus.com - don't you like how I worked it in) him, I smiled and nodded along all agreeable like when what I was really thinking was the only brain transplant I know of was Frankenstein and we all know how that turned out.

Actually, it is a curiously interesting idea if you think about it.  If half your brain was female and the other half male you could just argue with yourself saving a great deal of time thus increasing efficiency.  For example, I could hold the map in front of me and the female side would say, “See, I told you we missed our turn! Why didn’t you stop and ask directions back there!”  Then the male side would reply, “I do not need to ask directions you dimwit.  I have more miles in reverse than you will ever have in a lifetime.  Oh, and the map is upside down.”  The female side would then very deliberately fold up the map, shove it back in the glove compartment and slam the door shut.  The female side would then not speak to the male side for the next two days.  The male side would start questioning if it is the females side time of the month.

I have other concerns related to his question.  Would you only have to shave one leg?  Put makeup on only half your face?  And don't get me started about the whole mustache question (although now that I think about it, that might not be an issue for some women).  What about football season?  That remote would be  smokin' as you click back and forth between the big game and the Lifetime channel movie of the week on Super Bowl Sunday.  Could you interrupt yourself during the big game to "share your feelings" and then roll your eyes at yourself for doing so?  So much to think about.

We will have to continue the "brain" discussion with him tonight.  But first I have to go make dinner.  On second thought first I better make sure Owlie is in her room and nothing is missing out of the knife drawer.