Dearest Texas heat,
We regret to inform you that your services are no longer required. As we are 6 days into the Fall season, the time has come for you to retire, vamoose, skedaddle. Or to put it more bluntly, we want your bony butt out of Dodge.
What started as a pleasant working relationship with you seems to have quickly turned sour, as you forced your oppressive self upon us and in doing so forced us into endless days of drenching perspiration, yellow crunchy grass that went up in flames if we so much as looked at it funny and drought conditions that have not been seen since before Rick Perry was a Republican. We just don’t feel you are a team player anymore.
In conclusion, we would like you to get your no-good, yella-bellied, record-settin’ self cleared outta here before high noon tomorrow. If you are not gone by that time, George W. may be in contact with you to give ya a good talkin’ to. And you know THAT can’t be good.
The Eyes of Texas